How to Help Your Child Succeed in Public Speaking

I have been helping students find their voice for more than seven years -- in classrooms, on debate stages, and in one-on-one coaching sessions. And the question I get from parents more than any other is some version of this: "I want to help my kid with their speech. But I do not want to take over. What am I actually supposed to do?"

It is a great question, and it comes from the right instinct. The goal of helping your child with a speech is not to produce the best possible speech. It is to build the kind of self-confidence that stays with them long after the speech is done.

Those are two different projects. And they require two different approaches.

Here is what I shared with a group of Cosmo parents recently. It's a step-by-step look at what actually helps, and what tends to get in the way.

I always start here because I think it explains a lot of the anxiety, both in students, and in parents.

Most kids get thousands of hours of reading and math practice before they leave elementary school. Public speaking? A few class presentations a year, maybe a book report read aloud, and not much else. It is genuinely underdeveloped, and that gap shows up later in ways that matter.

Oral communication consistently ranks among the top skills employers say they want from new hires. Every job interview is, at its core, a public speaking event. So is advocating for yourself in a meeting, presenting a project, or making a case for something you believe in.

And the anxiety around it is extremely common. Up to 75% of people experience some degree of nervousness about public speaking. It tends to take root during adolescence, when self-consciousness is highest and practice opportunities are lowest. The earlier kids get comfortable with it -- in safe, low-stakes settings -- the better.

That is what makes these opportunities, whether a school presentation or a competition like Cosmo's Speak Up, so valuable. It is not just about the speech. It is about building the muscle.

Before we talk about delivery or practice, I always want to make sure the thesis statement is solid. This is where most student speeches quietly fall apart -- and it is also the area where a parent can do the most good, early.

I see two failure modes over and over:

• Too broad: The speech wanders. Points feel random. The audience cannot follow the logic, even if the student completely understands it. The speech is about the student -- but speeches, like writing, are really about the audience. Does the audience understand the logic?
• Too narrow: The speech becomes repetitive. The student runs out of things to say and starts circling back to the same phrases because they made the topic too small to sustain.

The fix is not throwing the topic out. It is sharpening it. I use a three-part question with students:

• What is the topic?
• What is your personal angle on it?
• What do you want the audience to walk away with?

So "soccer is fun" -- too broad, no angle, no audience takeaway -- becomes "playing defense taught me how to stay calm under pressure." Now there is a thesis. It is personal, it has a lesson, and it gives the speech somewhere to go.

As a parent, you can ask two questions after you hear a draft: What is your main point in one sentence? And: Why does this matter to you? Those two questions will get you further than any amount of structural feedback.

Once the thesis is in good shape, the structure almost builds itself. And I like to point out to students that they already know this structure -- because it is essentially the five-paragraph essay they have been writing in school.

Introduction with a hook and thesis. Two to three main points. A conclusion that restates the thesis in different words, plus a final thought that ties back to the opening.

The human brain loves this format. It is the same reason plays used to be written in verse: a repeating, predictable structure is easier to hold in memory. When students practice a speech built this way, they find they actually know it better than they thought.

A few things I always flag:

On hooks: Three types that work well for kids: a short personal story, a surprising fact, or a rhetorical question. I tell parents to ask themselves: would this make me want to keep listening? If the answer is no, it needs more work. If it feels overdramatic or forced, the student probably feels that and the audience will too.

On the conclusion: Restating the thesis in new words is genuinely hard. Most kids want to just say it again exactly. That is fine if they are stuck. Saying it twice is better than skipping it. But working on how to say the same idea in different ways is great practice for vocabulary and sentence variety.

Quick parent shortcut: If you get lost while listening to the speech, it is almost always a structure problem, not a content problem.

This is the part kids dread -- and honestly, it is fair. Delivery is what makes a speech different from an essay. An essay you can edit forever. A speech is performed once, and then it is over.

Three patterns I see constantly:

• Reading from a full script. The speech sounds robotic, eye contact disappears, and the student does not actually feel confident because they know they are just reciting. The fix: bullet points as cues, not a written-out script. The more they practice with minimal notes, the more they realize they actually know the material -- which is exactly what builds confidence.
• Talking too fast. Almost universal when kids are nervous. A three-minute speech becomes one minute forty-five. I always tell students: intentionally place pauses. Mark them in your notes if it helps. A pause feels like an eternity to the speaker, but to the audience, it barely registers. And it makes the speech sound more considered and confident.
• Sounding memorized. Even without a script visible, if a student practiced by memorizing a fully written-out speech word for word, you can hear it. The natural rhythms get stripped out. Bullet point practice from the start prevents this entirely.

Parents often ask me: how do I help my kid practice this? I know how to run drills for baseball. I know how to go through flashcards. But this feels different.

It is not that different. I structure speech practice the same way a coach structures any skill-building:

• Start with chunks, not the whole thing. Speeches are almost always written thesis-first, then main points, then introduction and conclusion last. If the intro is not written yet, start practicing the body now. It builds familiarity and makes writing the intro much easier.
• Always practice out loud. Kids want to go through it in their heads, the way they would read silently. But the speech is not given in their head. Practice like you play.
• End every session with one full run-through. Work the weak sections first, then do a full pass from start to finish. As the speech date gets closer, do more full run-throughs -- same idea as dress rehearsals.
• One or two pieces of feedback per session, maximum. There is interesting research on this: even Olympic-level athletes can really only incorporate one or two pieces of feedback at a time. With kids, trying to fix everything at once shuts them down. Pick the one change that will move the needle the most right now.

One thing I am often asked about: should kids record themselves? Yes, with a caveat. Recording is a great tool, especially for catching hand gestures or pacing issues that are invisible from the inside. And for kids who are reluctant to practice in front of a parent, it is a good stepping stone. But do try to get at least one live audience practice in before the actual speech. The nerves behave very differently when someone is actually watching.

This is where I spend a lot of time with parents, because the instinct to fix everything -- and fix it quickly -- can really work against a student who is already anxious about being evaluated.

My role, and your role as a parent coach, is to build their confidence while still giving them something useful. The framework I use is what teachers call the compliment sandwich: lead with something genuine that is working, name the one thing to work on (as a question, not a verdict), and close with another specific positive.

Instead of: "That was confusing."

Try: "I really liked your hook. I was not totally sure what your main idea was, though. Can you tell me in one sentence? Your main points were strong. Let us just make sure the setup does them justice."

Same information. Completely different effect on a kid who is already nervous.

And when you cannot find the compliment look somewhere else in the speech. Posture. Energy. The strength of one specific point. And keep corrections concrete. "Speak louder" is hard to act on. "Pretend you are talking to someone at the back of the room" gives them an actual target.

Speaking anxiety is the biggest thing most of these kids are dealing with. A lot of them are strong writers. But nerves are a whole new thing.

So I always normalize it first: I have never given a speech I was not at least a little bit nervous for. And I have been doing this for years. The anxiety tends to climb right up until the moment you start speaking, and then it slowly comes down as you get into it.

Nerves are just the body getting ready. Practice reduces them -- significantly -- but it almost never eliminates them completely. And that is fine. Learning to engage with something that scares you is itself a life skill. They will feel this before their first day at a new school. Before a job interview. Before moving away for college. Getting comfortable with the discomfort now matters.

A few specific tools that help:

• Pause and take a breath before starting. It feels much longer to the speaker than to anyone watching. From the outside, it barely registers. It can also be used mid-speech if they start stumbling.
• Memorize just the opening line. Starting strong reduces the anxiety spike. Once they are moving, it gets easier. The bullet points handle the rest.
• Bring in a fresh listener close to the speech date. A grandparent, a sibling, a friend who has never heard it. You have heard the speech so many times by then that you know exactly where it is going. A new listener will immediately tell you whether the main idea is landing.

Not every child is ready for the same thing. Here is how I think about it:

Elementary (K-5): Focus on clarity of the main idea and confidence. Two main points is the right target for most elementary students. If a fifth grader is ready for three, great -- but do not push for structural complexity at the expense of confidence. That is the wrong trade.

Middle school (6-8): Start pushing for more idea development. Three main points, roughly parallel in length and depth. This is also the stage where I start working with students on making their conclusion language genuinely different from their introduction -- same idea, different words. It is harder than it sounds, and it is great practice.

On speech length: a tight, focused three minutes is every bit as strong as a longer sprawling one. The test is whether the ideas are fully developed. Repeating themselves? Shorten it. Rushing through underdeveloped points? Give it more room.

Everything I have described works best when it is backed by real practice in front of a real audience, with someone who knows what to look for and can respond in the moment.

That is what I try to do in every class I teach at Cosmo. We work on structure, delivery, and confidence together -- one-on-one, so there is no pressure to perform in front of a room full of peers. Just a student, a teacher, and the specific thing that needs work this week.

If your child has a speech coming up and you want them to feel genuinely ready for it, that is exactly what a Cosmo English session is for. The first class is free -- no pressure, no commitment. Come see how it works.

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